When There’s No Chemistry

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Marlon Brando and Eva Marie Saint in a screens...

Marlon Brando and Eva Marie Saint. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There I was, all prepared to make a go of it with W… but I can’t do it.

We had a lovely time out, as many of our times together are – lovely – but I just can’t fancy him. It’s not about looks, it’s about chemistry and how you ‘fit’ together. That’s no good for a LTR. I don’t expect miracles, and I’m not saying I’m all that myself, but I do want and need to feel physically attracted to any man I have a relationship with. Otherwise there’s not enough glue to hold you together in a LTR or marriage. I’ve been going out with W for over a year now, as friends, and still I don’t fancy him. I’ve tried and tried but it’s just not going to happen. I could ‘settle’ – we are suited in many ways, it is true – but I don’t think I’m cut out for that either, despite my own negative aspects.

I kept telling myself that it was just my own hang-ups getting in the way and that our mental connection would lead to me being able to get closer to him physically if and when the time came. It won’t. There’s still emotional stuff about him that’s unsettling too.
Drat. Really don’t want to lose him as a friend but don’t want to lead him on either. I DO really, really enjoy his company and we do help each other a lot. I need to talk to him. Incidentally, W is not a Christian. That’s not a major problem for me (it would be for some of my church friends) but it would be easier if the right person for me was, or at least was someone who has a spiritual life.
Funnily enough, we saw my old male friend, S and I immediately felt more thrilled. Not saying S (who is a Christian) the one for me either but I don’t think I would have thought ‘Woo hoo!’ on seeing S if W was where my heart was at.

There Was a Time for Emotional Release

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I am a big fan of rock music and throughout my separation and divorce I have been deeply affected by various songs.

One such is ‘Frail’ by Jars of Clay, a Christian band known to many. The song reminds me of Richard Hawley’s ‘The Ocean’. It is extremely haunting.

But the song that truly gets to me is called ‘There Was a Time’ by the ‘new’ Guns and Roses (2008). It’s from Chinese Democracy, a hugely underrated albumand is considered a masterpiece in all its angst-ridden, full-blown glory. The music is incredible. Would love to send this song to my ex but he’d scoff or it wouldn’t register with him that this is how I feel. It wouldn’t be a wise thing to do anyway as one should work on detachment. But… it’s the best song about hurt, betrayal, sadness and regret.

However, here are the lyrics, though you need to match them with the music for the cathartic effect. And tell me of your ’emotional’ songs.

“There Was A Time”
Broken glass and cigarettes
Writin’ on the wall
It was a bargain for the summer
And I thought I had it all
I was the one who gave you everything
The one who took the fall
You were the one who would do anything
The one who can’t recall
Where she was while she was sleepin’
In another women’s bed
Or the doctor’s or the lawyer’s
Or the stranger that she met
If there’s nothin’ that I can gain from this
Or anything at all
It’d be the knowledge that you gave me
When I thought I’d heard it all

It was a long time for you
(It was a long time)
It was a long time for me
(It was a long time)
It’d be a long time for anyone but
(It was a long time)
Looks like it’s meant to be

Social class and registers
Cocaine in the hall
All the way from California
On the way to your next call
To those non-negotiations
To stimulate a cause
For the betterment of evils
And your ways around the laws
That keep you up and sitting pretty
On a pedestal or bed
And now you’re sleeping like an angel
Never mind who gave you head
If there’s somethin’ I can make of this
Or anything at all
It’d be the devil hates a loser
And you thought you had it all

It was the wrong time for you
(It was a long time)
It was the wrong time for me
(It was a long time)
It was the wrong time for anyone but
(It was a long time)
Looks like I’m ’bout to see for myself

If I could go back in time
To the place in my soul
There all alone
Lonely teardrops ooh
Are callin’ you
But I don’t want to know it now
Cause knowin’ you
It won’t change a damn thing
But there was a time
Yeah there was a time
Didn’t want ta know it all…
Didn’t wanna know it all…
N’ I don’t wanna know it now
Yeah there was a time
Didn’t want ta know it all…
Didn’t wanna know it all…
N’ I don’t wanna know it now
Oh

Oh I would do anything for you
There was a time
I would do anything for you
I would do anything for you
There was a time

There was a time
I would do anything for you
Ooh…
Yeah, there was a time
Didn’t want ta know it all…
Didn’t wanna know it all…
Ooh…
N’ I don’t wanna know it now
I would do…
Didn’t want to know at all…
Anything for you
Didn’t wanna know at all…
N’ I don’t wanna know it now

There was a time…
There was a time

Rose, Huge, Stinson

Chained No More – Release the Fetters!

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A broad metal chain.

A broad metal chain. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have started a new course at church called Chained No More. It is for the adult children of divorced parents and helps participants to explore and address issues that arise within us ‘children’ (even though we are grownup) resulting from that divorce and other childhood brokenness.

While my own divorce is still throwing up issues I realised that really it is pain and confusion from my childhood that

  1. led me to marry my STBX spouse in the first place and
  2. is impacting greatly on my own ability to recover from the separation and move on effectively.

See http://robynbministries.com/chainednomore for more details.

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