Platonic ‘Relationships’ as a Substitute for a ‘Full’ Relationship?

Holding Hands shadow on sand

Holding Hands shadow on sand (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was quite interested in the concept of having a platonic relationship with some man or other a while back – in lieu of a full-on relationship. In these relationships the couple IS a couple but they don’t have sex. There are various levels of intimacy to choose from. The reasons people go for this can be varied: physical illness or disability; emotional issues; spiritual issues; a belief that sex should be reserved for marriage. There are dating websites for platonics.

I had thought this would be a good way to get to know someone without being blinded by lust. I reckon it takes about two years to truly get to know someone – I mean to really get beyond the surface. Sex can stop you from truly seeing who a person is because it can distract you from their true character.

My platonic male friend seemed to be hinting that we could have that – a relationship without sex. I thought about it for a couple of days and realised that I don’t want that, at least not with him. I’d have to be somewhat attracted to someone to contemplate a relationship. After all, I’d have to WANT to hold their hand or snuggle up with them even if we had chosen not to have a sexual relationship for either physical or spiritual reasons. Otherwise it really is ‘just friends’ – which is okay by me too. After all, my strong friendships have lasted longer than my marriage!

One of my favourite writers, Barbara De Angelis, writes well about sexual chemistry in Are You the One for Me?


To Sleep Perchance to Dream.

The Radio 3 logo, introduced in 2000 along wit...

The Radio 3 logo, introduced in 2000 but replaced in 2007 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am just listening to ‘Sleep’, which is the all-night world premiere performance of Max Richter‘s eight-hour epic piece on BBC Radio 3. Beautiful but eerie. As a chronic insomniac this intrigues me.

I don’t find praying very conducive to sleep as it makes me think about the things and people I am praying for too much! It’s actually too stimulating.

Sleep is such a precious thing, one I have trouble with, due to my chronic illness. I am doing a sleep course though.



Follow classic motorcycle enthusiast, Gordon G. May, as he attempts to ride a WWII Matchless from the UK to Vietnam. The journey commences 12 September 2015.

Source: About

Feeling Grounded Through Worship

Worship Again

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)   

I’d had to miss church the previous two Sundays and I really felt the lack. I made it there tonight and I have to say I definitely feel more grounded, more centred, I guess, now.

Non-believers would say that it’s all down to doing something nice, like singing, with a group of people. But I disagree. While the singing aspect of a service is very releasing I think it goes beyond that; that there is something intrinsically healing to oneself and to others in group worship.

I don’t usually pray out loud in services when they ask you to feel free to offer up prayers, but I did this evening – just a prayer for all the people in my neighbourhood (which is not the same place my church is.)

Tonight’s message theme was social media, something I have a love-hate relationship with, as do many of us!

When There’s No Chemistry

Marlon Brando and Eva Marie Saint in a screens...

Marlon Brando and Eva Marie Saint. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There I was, all prepared to make a go of it with W… but I can’t do it.

We had a lovely time out, as many of our times together are – lovely – but I just can’t fancy him. It’s not about looks, it’s about chemistry and how you ‘fit’ together. That’s no good for a LTR. I don’t expect miracles, and I’m not saying I’m all that myself, but I do want and need to feel physically attracted to any man I have a relationship with. Otherwise there’s not enough glue to hold you together in a LTR or marriage. I’ve been going out with W for over a year now, as friends, and still I don’t fancy him. I’ve tried and tried but it’s just not going to happen. I could ‘settle’ – we are suited in many ways, it is true – but I don’t think I’m cut out for that either, despite my own negative aspects.

I kept telling myself that it was just my own hang-ups getting in the way and that our mental connection would lead to me being able to get closer to him physically if and when the time came. It won’t. There’s still emotional stuff about him that’s unsettling too.
Drat. Really don’t want to lose him as a friend but don’t want to lead him on either. I DO really, really enjoy his company and we do help each other a lot. I need to talk to him. Incidentally, W is not a Christian. That’s not a major problem for me (it would be for some of my church friends) but it would be easier if the right person for me was, or at least was someone who has a spiritual life.
Funnily enough, we saw my old male friend, S and I immediately felt more thrilled. Not saying S (who is a Christian) the one for me either but I don’t think I would have thought ‘Woo hoo!’ on seeing S if W was where my heart was at.

Are You Too Cautious?


Are you too cautious in relationships?