Pursuit of Equality (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Despite the fact I believe I am unmarriageable I have not been without male interest, even in my ‘celibate by choice’ life. Most of these men are not Christians but they are good men.
There’s SAL, who lives far away and is not safe emotionally but who seems to be fond of me. MAGS, who is the nearest I have to a soulmate, but who is not emotionally available and who does not want a relationship with me – and I probably don’t want one with him. WM seems to adore me but I am unsure about him for various reasons. Even SRP has been attracted to me at points, I believe, but he is unsafe. And TCG seems to like me too. Only WM has actively pursued me over many months.
Despite all this I feel I have not yet met “the one whom my soul loves.” Do you think I will know it when I do meet him or are we blinded by our own hang-ups, fears and prejudices?
Harm Done (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I am on a mission to detox from those people, no matter how nice they seem to be on the surface, who are doing me harm in some way or who are disrespecting me.
It’s tough, cos we all need friends, but I know that I need to do this for my own self-esteem. There were two people today who I realised just don’t really listen to me when I am talking to them. Gee, thanks, dudes.. and dudettes.
I went to a Christian wedding today. Very posh, very long, lots of beauty abounding, in the heart of rural England. More on weddings later.
If I were to remarry, and I think the likelihood of this is around 4%, would I have to marry aChristian only? Most Christian writers say, “Yes”. This is explored in How to Get a Date Worth Keeping (book). Obviously, it would make life a lot easier all round if a future spouse was a Christian. It just would. You are starting off on the same page, with similar values, not to mention how much easier it it would make managing your social lives (esp when you are ill and have to parcel out your energy expenditure anyway).
But the chances of me finding someone suitable who is also a Christian are frankly very slim. I’m being realistic here. I am a) a woman b)oolder c) chronically ill d) not exactly putting myself out there.
My challenge, then, is to work out if I can be happy as a single, permanently, or if I can face the odeal of seeking a partner, in the future, or if I should ‘settle’.
This song, ‘I Will Worship’, is one we sing at church. It really sends shivers down the spine as the men and women alternate each line in parts. I must admit, this version on YouTube, sounds a little sappy. When we sing it it’s with more gusto! At least, that’s how it sounds to me.
English: The photographer’s wedding ring and its heart-shaped shadow in a dictionary. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
And the pastor said: “It’s all about allegiance to Christ.
Baptism is like a wedding ring. It’s the outward reality of an inner experience. If you feel that you are a Christian it is a natural progression. It is serious and you should do it if you’re convinced, not under pressure. Did that help?”
Yeah, it did.
King Guthorm is baptised. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I had a query about baptism – adult baptism – and approached one of the pastors. I wrote:
“Okay,” I said, “these baptism services – is one baptised as a Christian or as a member of [our church denomination]?
I don’t have any problem with our church denomination and read the handbook quite regularly – but I’m not sure about standing up in front of the people at our church and declaring myself – at this moment anyway. Also I see getting baptised as serious as getting married. I want to be sure I am in this for the long haul before doing it. (and to do it for me and God not to please the pastor or impress my church friends, y’know.) I’ve been through such a lot of changes these last few years I want to know I am on solid ground before I do much these days!
There are things I encounter at our church that make me want to throw up my hands in a sort of laughing frustration. I could tell you some of these things (maybe I will some time) but for now, the question is ‘Who am I obeying?’ when I am baptised with our church – God or people?”
Read the next post for the answer I received.