Once I Had a Secret Love

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I don’t get crushes any more. This is a good thing – though a little boring.

Crushes are like drugs. They give you a warm, fuzzy glow and get the endorphins  flowing. But they are false.

I have had four big crushes in my life. Some of these lasted years! I had one crush when I was married. When my ex was leaving me he said he wanted a “new life”. Honey, we ALL want a new life. I mentioned that I’d had a crush while we were together. He was deeply shocked as I never let on at all.

My crushes were a co-dependency thing. I see that now. One of the churches I know does a Celebrate Recovery course. I’ve thought about going, once I’ve moved house. For co-dependency issues. Don’t know if I really need it but it’s a thought.

Crushes got me through difficult times and were a way of filling the void in myself. The only crushes I have now are dreaming of faraway places or fulfilling a great dream. I think that’s okay, though I think a lot of my life is spent in yearning. I’d love to learn to be content with the here and now.

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