A Gal With a Plan

Plan A (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Despite the fact that this has been a humungously rubbish day health-wise I am beginning to formulate a plan for moving forward. Some of it won’t please my church-going chums but I’ll keep my own counsel and do it anyway.

Here’s a brief gist:

1. Have more or less decided where I want to live. And it’s not in this town.
2. Get house in tip-top shape for potential sale down the line. How I am going to do this with little money and poor health I don’t know but I shall find a way.
3. Get back on antidepressants if doctor agrees. Would prefer ones that don’t make me gain weight ‘cos since my op I have lost lots of weight. One of the keys has been being AD-free. It’s a tough choice. Thin  and miserable or fat and happy. Great!
4. Get some good photos done of myself. Might ask a semi-professional I know. Failing that a camera-happy friend. This would boost my self-esteem.
5. Keeping working on myself in all ways.
6. Keep redefining what I want in my life.
7. Maintain my own path – don’t be swayed by what others think or detractors if I know that it is not truly ‘me’. However, seek advice when it is called for.

 

 

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The Daytime Stars

“Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,

and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;

let me find Thy light in my darkness.”

Taken from The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions, edited by Arthur Bennett.

Thanks to the On the Way blog for this.

English: Pleiades Star Cluster (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Five A Week Challenge is HARD!

Boris Kustodiev’s Pascha Greetings (1912) shows traditional Russian khristosovanie (exchanging a triple kiss), with such foods as red eggs, kulich and paskha in the background (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This Meet Five a Week Challenge as recommended by Dr Henry Cloud is ridiculously hard! I have done a lot of smiling and saying hello at men – old, young, but not got into any conversations with any apart from museum cool younger dude who was probably gay anyway.

Easter was filled with men in couples. No joy there then! The only men who ever talk to me are either much older, granddad types who are just nice and chatty or much younger men who appear to find me vaguely intriguing but who ultimately will be looking for same-age partners.

 

Wise Words From a Friend

“You have spent a lot of your life alone and anyone you have a relationship with in the future needs to be a person who can be fully present with and for you without being in bondage to making you happy.”

Together (Photo credit: aftab.)

Red Flags Busted

English: High Speed – Lights (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had a potential man problem recently. The amazing thing is, though, that I managed to work through it super-fast through having done various courses at church and from doing all the reading and self-help. A Christian counsellor, someone I totally respect, also helped me via email.

I thought back over the three years I have known my male friend Red. I noted down all the red flags I’ve sensed over that time which have somehow stopped me falling for him full pelt. I came up with more than ten! These are genuine red flags not excuses.

My discernment must be better than it used to be. I was pleased that I was able to do this and not be that woman who pines after an Emotionally Unavailable Man for years on end. Many do.

Meet Five a Week

stitching a date with destiny (Photo credit: jude hill)

I have decided to do something about men after Easter. With all the extra work I am doing (good but tiring) plus the house and my continuing health probs it won’t be a massive onslaught on the male population but I shall do what I can. I am going to very slowly follow a programme set out in the book: How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. It is by far the best dating book I have read. I really like Dr Henry Cloud‘s realistic, unrigid approach to dating as a Christian. I think every Christian womanor man who is not engaging with the opposite sex but wants to should read this.

The main two initial steps to take are:

Meet Five a Week and Change Your Traffic Pattern.

Meeting five a week does not mean having five dates a week. It just means talking to five men a week, even if it is just in the supermarket. They have to be:

1. New to you

2. Have enough of an interaction with you to want to go out with you

3. Have some info about you to get in touch with you if they desire.

The idea is not to get dates but to open yourself up to men and change your energy. As I can’t get out for many hours a day I might have to modify this to Meet Two or Three a Week but it is at least a start.

Change Your Traffic Pattern is self-explanatory. It just means trying a few new routes/activities etc.

Signs from Above!

Message in a bottle (Photo credit: Moyan_Brenn (back soon, sorry for not commenting))

I posted the final divorce papers today at the little post office near to my house (our house, actually). Seconds later – literally – I drove passed STBX’s partner! I hardly ever see her even though they live round the corner. This is cos they both work out of town and I am always driving anyway…

Talk about a God-incidence. It was like a message: the past in the post, the present is right in front of you (i.e, the new partner) and the future is straight ahead!

 

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Disappearance

Just written a heartfelt post about how STBX came to sign the divorce papers and it has disappeared. I am not pleased!

Crying in the Chapel

Reflection Works!

I am feeling chained no more! The Church Guy can only ever be a friend. All this navel-gazing, counselling (Christian or otherwise), reading and thinking has helped tremendously. If I had not done all this I could have ended up as one of those women who hangs on to the hope of getting love from someone, who is lovely but can not love me in the way I need to be loved. That’s not attractive at any age but definitely not at this time of life.

Result.

Quit With the Promises, Dude!

Red flags (Photo credit: rvw)

I have had a Disappointment in Love but now I am just angry! I have thought back over the 2 – 3  years I have known This Church Guy and written down all the red flags I’ve sensed which have stopped me properly falling for him. I’ve come up with more than ten!! And they are big red flags too!

My discernment is back in tact. Whether friend or potential love interest this dude needs to earn my long-term respect, quit with the promises and follow through with action.

The b**ch is back! (Sorry, non-swearing readers.)

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They’re Singing Songs of Love

But Not for Me…

I feel sad about how the church divorce group is going. People are pairing up. H has his jeune fille, NL has paired up with one of the guys there, JD has honed in on one of the women and I’ve seen someone flirting with SB. It’s like at school when everyone is pairing up – except you! 

The group is supposed to be one of recovery rather than one of ‘copping off’ together! 

 

Letter from America

That’s a lie – it’s an email from a Canadian on the course that I received today.  I share a couple of sentences from it with you…

“I wanted to say thank you, [Prayerwalker], for all your comments and insights you have shared with myself and all of us at Chained No More. I think you have a very kind spirit and your openness to grow and learn is so refreshing. I am excited for what God is going to do for you and with you in your life.”

What a terrific boost! 

Forgiveness Sure ‘Ain’t Easy

Forgive (Photo credit: Celestine Chua)

Coming to the end of the 13 week Chained No More course. It’s been great. But tough at times. The day after each session I am totally whacked. Even though there are no tears shed in the group the sessions use a lot of emotional and mental energy.

I know I need to forgive my former caretakers. One in particular. But I am finding it hard and almost impossible. I don’t know what’s wrong with this person. Maybe I am diagnosing their crap behaviour into some sort of pathology. Maybe they were just a bit rubbish at caretaking. I suspect narcissism. Possibly lacking in the empathy chip. I remember when my STBX was going through a terrible ordeal this caretaker astounded him, his mum and me with the way they turned the situation into being all about them. I’ve been guilty of this myself in the past. My excuse is that I did not have the best examples when I was growing up.

Don’t know how I am going to forgive because I do attribute at least some of the development of my health problems to the caretakers’ neglect when I was a small child. I’ve no proof, but it seems likely.