Dating Gurus Provide Self-Esteem Building

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Cover of "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping...

Cover of How to Get a Date Worth Keeping

Although I am not really in a position to pursue the dating life with vigour – other things must take priority for now – I am very impressed with respected Christian author/speaker, Dr Henry Cloud‘s book How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. It is terrific, full of practical advice and encourages you to look within to discover your stumbling blocks, what factors may be causing you to be stuck in your dating life.

These self-help gurus say that dating tests you in a way that other things do not: it forces you to face up to your fears and, if you want to reach lasting happiness, to become the best person YOU can be.

Last night I also listened to many YouTube videos made by Matthew Hussey who runs http://www.gettheguy.com  I loved what he had to say and I agreed with everything he said. He is not a Christian guru, as far as I know, but much of what he said tallies with Cloud’s advice.

Good stuff.

 

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Memories are Made to Share

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Memories

Memories (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Had a moment of sadness then, with that anecdote (see previous post) about my step-dad. I wanted to turn to my husband and say, “Hey, do you remember when…?” But of course my husband is my soon-to-be ex husband and he is not here. I couldn’t share the memory with him. Those are the spikes of grief you encounter every day when you are a) bereaved, b) bereft.

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I Am the Walrus, I am the Blunderbuss

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Blunderbuss

Blunderbuss (Photo credit: Mike Miley)

 

“Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” James 1:19

 

I have many faults. Two of my main faults are tactlessness and an impetuous nature. My enthusiasm and openness can lead me away from my true goal of being “slow to speak”. Of course, when I realise (usually quite quickly, on account of the deafening silence that greets my blunder) that I have inadvertently caused hurt I am mortified. ‘What a jerk!’ I think. ‘Oops, I did it again…’ ‘Why, oh why, did I not think?’ I’m always quick to apologise but still…

I don’t know where this blunderbuss behaviour comes from. Is it nature or nurture? Maybe it’s because I grew up in a home where the boundaries were extremely blurred. Maybe it is written in the stars! Sagittarians are known for their tactlessness. I remember my step-dad saying that sometimes he could be walking down the street and suddenly recall some tactless or wrongheaded behaviour/action he’d executed and he would just feel hideously embarrassed. I know what he meant.

 

A few people at church – especially in Life Group – have said they admire my openness and honesty. But being too open can be a double-edged sword. At least the tactless numpte is not Machiavellian. I’m not a schemer, a plotter, a sociopath or a game player. But the plotters do better in life – or rather they attain positions that are viewed by society as desirable. The schemers are the lawyers, politicians, business giants. Maybe if I had treated life like a game of chess I wouldn’t be in the, well, disadvantaged position I am in.

 

 

 

 

 

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The Kindness… Yet Right Wing!

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I have friends who, politically speaking go from very left wing to pretty much hard right. I am left wing (though more to the centre on some issues). 

What I find baffling is that some of the kindest people I have met in the church – and I am thinking of one in particular, verily a saint! – can be staunch supporters of David Cameron (shudder). It beggar’s belief! Some of these right wingers know about how I have been treated by this government recently (too personal to post here but some of my readers from real life will know). They also see that people in our district have to use food banks (the church runs a food bank) yet still they would vote Conservative tomorrow.  Struth. It makes you want to turn your face to the wall. 

How can they not see the correlation between the government’s attacks on the poorest in UK society and the reality that’s right before their eyes? I despair. 

I think there is only one thing that would drive me away from my church – and that would be the very high numbers of right wingers. Fortunately, they are not all of the same hue. There is hope! 

Date! Didn’t Work Out!

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A Man With No Morals ...No More Rolls

A Man With No Morals …No More Rolls (Photo credit: Lady Wulfrun)

Went on a date via Christian Connection. He approached me a week ago. I did not think I would fancy this guy, having seen his pictures, but his profile words and his emails were brilliant and I decided that maybe I find him attractive if he was a beautiful person. He’d been a real high flyer too.

Sadly, it did not work out. He was a warm, lively person and intelligent but he did do a few rum things! He’s 60 years old and has very obviously dyed hair, in that Just for Men kind of way. Black. No grey. Bad idea. He looked like how I imagine Ken Worthington, sidekick of comedian John Shuttleworth, would look. He was also very short. Now I am a sucker for little guys but not this one.

He asked virtually no questions of me. He told me we weren’t a match. (No surprise there). And then he asked me to split the bill!!! For coffee and cake! This is a big no-no in the Christian world! The man is expected to be chivalrous. And he is very comfortably off (I am not). Then he told me I was nicer looking in real life than in my profile pics as in one I look “a little hard”! Thanks, man!

It was pretty dispiriting really but fortunately I can laugh about it now. I guess I’m not wondering. I doubt I shall find love online. It’s not the best place when you have a chronic illness cos people do judge you on that info whereas in real life they get to know you in a rounded way…

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