And Do Remind Me…(Love Me, Love my Cardigan)

Made in 1996

Made in 1996 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


To write about the “Love me, Love My Cardigan” syndrome, that befalls some Christians. It’s a harsh one but it’s a subject that has to be examined! The phrase was something coined, I think, by my friend A. You can substitute ‘cardigan’ for ‘sweater’, if you prefer!



But You Don’t Need to Be a Christian…


… to interest me. Don’t gasp! Some of my Christian friends are holding out for a Christian man. Some have held out for decades and the man never came along. But another friend, who like me has come to the church in later years, is more realistic. Of course, it would be great to have a Christian mate: you are starting off with certain values that are on the same page, well, one hopes that is the case… But some Christians can be pretty horrendous while some non-Christians can be, well, Christ-like in their behaviour, as Rob Bell points out in one of his books. [Sex God]. It all comes down to a few basic traits for me: emotional maturity, consistency and being willing to grow… 


Could It Be a Christian Connection?


Heart (Photo credit: mozzercork)


I read the Christian Connection blogs (dating website for Christian dudes and dudettes). I find them excellent – very well-written, funny, sensible and thought-provoking.


I have not signed up to CC yet but I think about it from time to time. I found out that you are allowed to go on there if you are separated as long as you make it clear you are looking for friendship (until you are legally free, as it were). That seems like a fairly good approach to take while you get your bearings.


I’d rather meet a person in real life (IRL), to be honest, but one has to keep one’s options open. I do meet the occasional nice single man of appropriate age and character-  but not many – and the ones I do like aren’t interested in me, I feel. Not that there isn’t attraction going on there but they have to be truly interested and do something about it in my book! One can be friendly and give subtle encouraging signals but, for a long-term prospect, I am not going to chase! What do you think?


Next March it will be four years since STBX gave me the ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ speech. And we are getting nearer to divorcing.


My 20th Wedding Anniversary

Divorce Ring

Divorce Ring (Photo credit: Jewellery Monthly)


Tomorrow, 25th October, will be my 20th wedding anniversary. Married, technically, for 20 years, we would have been together 26 years but in reality have been separated for over three years.


Most of the time now I really, really want to be divorced. We are taking steps to make that happen. But still there is that feeling of shedding a skin, like a snake. I’ve been through some hideous stuff in my life but marital breakdown has been the toughest, possibly even worse than my 24-year-illness. Even STBX (soon-to-be-ex) said it was worse than the deaths of close family members he has suffered.


Think STBX is planning on remarrying. Divorce Group statistics say that 95% of us will remarry although 66% of second marriages fail.


I would like to think that I could remarry at some point but I am also prepared to remain single. Or there might be something in between those two states. Not sure what. I’m still working out what I want and what might be possible.


I have not been in a significant relationship since we parted, but some of the men I met on the dating scene keep in touch with me. Nice but not suitable.


A friend’s mother never remarried when her husband left. She is religious and believed that in God’s eyes she was still married to her husband despite the divorce. I used to think that was sad but I can see how she might feel. I don’t  feel that way myself, and fortunately, my church is supportive of second marriages.


But for now, I am working on being SUW – Single, Unique and Whole.








Death of an Online Friend


Found out the other night that someone I knew on Facebook has died – almost certainly through suicide.


I stumbled across PJ one night online via a mutual acquaintance.


I could tell PJ was strange but he was hilarious and we became FB friends. I didn’t hear from him much or see him online often – he would disappear – but I began to build up a picture of him. He had been at uni and was doing a PhD in Maths. He was living back with his mum and dad, who seemed to be very supportive. He was funny but vociferous, an atheist, could be lewd, very into ranting and railing against people, society, systems.


I thought, ‘Think this guy has a mental illness’ but I never knew what it was. The one time I met him IRL it was clear he had a full-blown mental illness. I occasionally saw him walking in the area he lived in, a suburb I drive through from time to time. I think I glimpsed him a few weeks ago.


I found out he had died through reading the local paper very late the other night. There was a story saying that three men had died in recent weeks having hit by trains. PJ was mentioned – just in passing. Just one sentence. I thought it must be the PJ I knew from FB. I checked online and it was. I assumed he had committed suicide but I realised I just did not know very much about him at all really or what had led up to his death. That’s often the case on FB. You connect with people but many times it is in a superficial way (not always, though).


I felt sad that I did not know about him and had not known he had died. His FB page has been cleared of all comment and there was no online reporting on his death just the death notice and a thanks from the family for donations to MIND.


That’s was it. I’m sorry I did not know much about him while he was alive. And now he’s gone.


Stand and Deliver – Spiritual Gifts

Acting for Film & Television: Movement

Acting for Film & Television: Movement (Photo credit: vancouverfilmschool)

Enjoyed a sermon about spiritual gifts this evening.

The pastor asked for volunteers to read from 1 Corinthians 12. An American guy and I volunteered. The church was packed out. Many quake at the thought of public speaking or performance – but it doesn’t bother me at all!  

Is it ‘cos I am fifty shades of egomaniac?

I’ve decided it’s cos I really don’t give a flying monkey what people think of me on this score. I was the one teachers asked to deliver Biblical readings at school, I did amateur dramatics for many years, sang in the school choir and, later, was always first up on that beckoning dance floor. This wasn’t vanity; it is easy for me to do that sort of thing. It’s part of the Only Child syndrome. If you don’t make yourself do stuff as an Only you disappear. You don’t make friends. You go nowhere. You simply don’t live.

However, ask me to do anything that requires much stamina… Not good. Host a kids’ birthday party? Unlikely. Stand and serve teas to a congregation of 300? Nope. Travel to Uganda to help deliver a Christian project? My heart says yes but my wretched health says no. This does not stop me from envying those who can do these things. I envy a lot.

BUT…you’ve just got to go with the gifts, spiritual or otherwise, that God’s given you. And as the pastor says, you can always ask (pray) for more!

Sing if You’re Winning

Contemporary Christian music group Fireflight ...

Contemporary Christian music group Fireflight in concert at Cornerstone, California. Several of their songs have charted in the United States. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Not forgotten my readers. I have been keeping my laptop out of the bedroom in an attempt not to sit tapping away and browsing too much. It’s working but one drawback is I’m blogging a little less.


I’ve not been idle regarding my Just a Closer Walk With Thee journey though. Had a good Life Group last week and I also went to a Worship Band Open Evening. It was poorly attended but valuable all the same. I would LOVE to sing with the worship team but realistically I’m not going to have much time or indeed energy to commit to the rehearsals and the services. However, I have been welcomes and can go along to rehearse whenever I want just for the sheer joy of singing.


As CCM (Contemporary Christian Music) continues to play such a vital part in my walk this is an important opportunity.