The Ex Files and Going it Alone

Man portrait

Man portrait (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

I don’t see Ex as much now and it is helping me. I do miss his company but one needs to detach and, anyway, why would you want to spend a lot of time with someone who has not only rejected you but chosen to be with someone else, albeit after he ended the marriage?

But I did talk to him about how we singles can get so tired of having to cope with everything on our own. I wasn’t accusing and he was very sympathetic and did not try to fix my problems, which is good (boundaries).  I used to be the sorter out anyway but at least in the marriage you felt you were a team – of two. (Though this can be an illusion, as often married people are not in the SAME marriage.)

Ex asked me if I was doing anything about my single state. That misses the point. I wasn’t  saying that it was a problem that needs to be solved sharpish but that the reality of going it alone can be hard. All my single church friends feel this way at times.

I text him the next day:

“I am doing something about my single state. Finding out who I am, what I believe, and what I will or will not accept in a man and so on. I am the most important person in my life right now! I do know some great single men but just as friends. x x”

He said that sounded like a sensible approach. Pity we could not talk as calmly when we were together as we do now. But they say that relationships fuel the fire of intimacy – hence, all our issues rise to the surface, to be worked out in the relationship. Sometimes this working out is brilliant and supportive and sometimes it turns destructive and unhelpful.

Enhanced by Zemanta